


When the Lights Go Out

by Valgus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-06-05 17:17:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15175547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valgus/pseuds/Valgus
Summary: Sometime, Hinata still dreamed about being at the Orange Stadium. He woke up to the fading sound of cheers from the audience as he lived the happiest, proudest moment of his life. Back then, Hinata knew he would remember every single thing; the crowd, the flash-lights, the roar, and the tears streaming down his cheeks. He remembered thinking that he would never be that happy again.(He wondered whether Kageyama felt the same. He had a strange feeling that told him- assured him, almost- that, yes, Kageyama felt exactly the same back then, when they were young and volleyball was their entire universe.)Now far, far away from the bright light of their volleyball youth, Hinata and Kageyama met again after a decade of no contact.





	1. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of Hinata's words died down when he saw the so-called father of his new student: dark hair and almost equally dark blue eyes, Kageyama Tobio looked startling at the age of thirty-one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a prologue to this story, called ["Lovelorn"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15157676), but one can still read this without reading that.

_People find meaning and redemption in the most unusual human connections._

\- Khaled Hosseini

* * *

When Hinata Shouyou pushed his bathroom window open that morning, he saw a pair of birds in the sky. The area he currently lived in was very similar with the house he spent his youth at; a bit on the mountain, but you can still reach the city within reasonable amount of time, though it was practically a countryside as well. He watched the birds danced in the air, before vanishing to the pale, blue autumn sky. Last week, he turned thirty-two.

Where did all the time go?

He wondered.

 

**Part I:**

_**Redemption** _

 

Sometime, Hinata still dreamed about being at the Orange Stadium. He woke up to the fading sound of cheers from the audience as he lived the happiest, proudest moment of his life. Back then, Hinata knew he would remember every single thing; the crowd, the flash-lights, the roar, and the tears streaming down his cheeks. He remembered thinking that he would never be that happy again.

(He wondered whether Kageyama felt the same. He had a strange feeling that told him- assured him, almost- that, yes, Kageyama felt exactly the same back then, when they were young and volleyball was their entire universe.)

It had been over ten whole years since it passed.

His volleyball days were now a distant, fading, yet beautiful memory—beautiful enough to sustain the rest of his life, he supposed, in some of bitter moments of his life. Hinata left his bed, washed his face, and then gazed at the birds on the sky. Then, he prepared his breakfast for one, before leaving for work. If he were to tell his seventeen years old self that one day he’d lead an entire kindergarten, his old self would probably cackling uncontrollably. But, there he was, arriving first at the kindergarten when the autumn sunlight was still pale, and cleaned up a bit before sitting by his kindergarten headmaster desk.

There would be a new student that day.

Hinata had left the paperwork to the kindergarten’s secretary. From what Misaki-san, the secretary, had told him, a single father moved from Tokyo with his young daughter. Hinata and the said father was of the same age, Misaki-san said. Maybe they could be friend, she added. Hinata smiled as he heard that. Misaki-san had successfully told Hinata, in that roundabout, polite Japanese way, that she was worried that Hinata somehow wasn't married yet surrounded himself with kids. Hinata could guess what sort of thing that went through Misaki-san's head. Shy, meek, and very careful at her work, Hinata knew the secretary was just worried about him. He felt like he actually knew the reason for his bachelor status. But, he never went through past such thought.

The day flew like usual. The said student hadn't yet arrived, but Hinata wasn't worried. A lot of parent from metropolitan area didn't settle into the countryside very quickly.

(Sometimes, Hinata wondered why those parents moved here with their young children. Sure, some moved because job relocation and other reasons they couldn't control. But some came to him with haunted eyes and inability to meet his gaze; they came like they were running away. _What are you running away from?_ Hinata would like to ask them, while at the same time realising that such question would be too private on any relationship he might had with those parents. He continued looking at them, probably hoping he could see a glimpse of their real reason of escaping the big city, into a place where the air was still fresh and the convenience stores were a rarity. Perhaps, Hinata ended up filling the gap on his own as he went home alone to a dark, cold house, they thought that by starting anew, they would be redeemed- that they would be reborn again, though they still stay in the same skin, same body, same self. Perhaps.

Hinata pondered whether he would ever be redeemed himself.

... But redeemed from what?

He stopped thinking by then, for his device beeping, telling him that his tub was now filled with hot water for bath.)

The teachers and staffs had arranged for a drinking together meet-up after work and Hinata had said yes to that. The thought of going home alone with the image of those two birds dancing from his morning made him felt a lump on the bottom of his stomach. He said goodbyes to his co-workers who left first for the meet-up. As he collected some little plastic buckets and shovels left by the students, he heard voice of a little girl who chattered happily about starting life in this "vewwy wild magical town". That must be the new student. Hinata rose, arms filled with plastic toys. He smiled as he greeted, "Welcome!"

The rest of his words died down when he saw the so-called father of his new student: dark hair and almost equally dark blue eyes, Kageyama Tobio looked startling at the age of thirty-one. Hinata gaped. Kageyama had the faintest wrinkle underneath his eyes. It was very sudden, but Hinata was struck by how much time had passed; Kageyama was no longer a smooth-faced youth he knew, with little baby fat left on his cheeks. He was now a thirty years old like him. He also didn't seem so tall any more- or perhaps, it was more of the way he carried himself.

Kageyama seemed like he had seen ghost as well, yet there was something different about his expression. Hinata tried to remember what sort of look that was.

While Hinata was thinking, Kageyama was still staring.

Hinata snapped into working mode, for the little girl (Kageyama's daughter? He had a _daughter_?) started tugging Kageyama's hand and asking why the two adults just gazed at each other in silence, like time just stopped. Perhaps, time did just stopped. Hinata rubbed something on his eyes with the back of his hands- the plastic shovels and baskets almost escaped his arms- then walked towards Kageyama. He was right. Kageyama wasn't as tall as he remembered. He had been watching Kageyama's face from his side for so long he remembered the exact angle he used to see when he stood by him.

Now, Hinata was standing by Kageyama again- after ten whole years of not seeing each other. The angle had changed a bit.

Hinata wondered how much of Kageyama had changed inside.

"Hello! Ayumu-chan and Ayumu-chan's father, right?" he was grinning, cheerful, and being the professional kindergarten headmaster he was supposed to be.

But Kageyama still stared at him wordlessly. He bit his lower lip and his eyes were squinting. Hinata was suddenly struck by another realisation: that was the face Kageyama made when he was about cry.

_(What are you going to cry about? Stop making that face while you look at me with your hand holding your daughter's.)_

Hinata had lost his words as well. He didn't know what to do. He felt like, suddenly, he didn't know anything- except that he'd send a LINE message soon, telling his co-workers that he would not make it to the drinking meet-up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to write this story for quite sometime- maybe a bit too long of "quite sometime". 
> 
> I must say that the comments left by fairyshipped and asya on the prologue was the final push I needed to publish this. So thank you to both of you. I have an idea of updating this daily, no matter how small the chapter will be, but now that I published this, I must say I'm not very sure... I'm a bit lost myself- perhaps in the same wavelength with Hinata and Kageyama in this chapter; a bit unsure, but still very much excited of what may come.
> 
> Nevertheless, thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate it.


	2. Take This Sinking Boat—and Point It Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's eyes were wide. His irises were orange. What a warm colour. Kageyama never realised how much he had missed Hinata’s eye colour until now. The realisation almost made him sob.

Twenty minutes after that meeting on the kindergarten, when the sun already went down, Hinata found himself sitting across Kageyama and his little Ayumu-chan on an okonomiyaki restaurant.

Kageyama still had that look of deer in the headlights. Hinata, who realised that some part of Kageyama might never changed after all, decided to give his ex-volleyball partner time to catch up with the fact that they met again by focusing on his new student, who was now watching Hinata cooking her part of okonomiyaki, like it was the only thing that ever mattered in her life.

“Shouyou-san, will it be much longer…?” she asked, looking up at Hinata with her big, round dark brown eyes that weren’t quite like Kageyama's almond-shaped somehow, and Hinata smiled, as he checked the sizzling food on the grill in front of them.

“A little bit more, Ayumu-chan,” he smiled, feeling like patting the little girl’s head.

He did, anyway.

Hinata had managed to explain to Ayumu-chan about how her father was his friend back then, long before she was born, and how they hadn’t meet for a while. Ayumu-chan seemed excited by the fact and told both Kageyama and Hinata that Hinata was invited to the “family dinner”. She was in that stage where she was trying new words and phrases, but Hinata could gauge how intelligent she was, anyway. It wasn’t very surprising since she was Kageyama’s daughter, anyway. Kageyama was a brilliant setter since he was so young. He could actually be excellent academically, if he were ever interested in school subjects enough.

The same ex-setter was still sitting wide-eyed across him and Hinata just chuckled. “Have some okonomiyaki as well, Kageyama,” he said, smiling, ready to fill Kageyama’s plate after he filled Ayumu-chan’s.

“O-oh. T-thank you,” Kageyama stuttered and gave Hinata his empty plate. Maybe it was the lighting on this traditional-style restaurant, but Hinata could see flushes of red on Kageyama's cheeks. Perhaps, it was the cool autumn temperature outside.

(He didn’t seem so big.

He wasn’t as big as Hinata remembered, but Kageyama was indeed never really that good at social situation. He was brilliant, yet lone sort of genius, Hinata supposed. Seeing Kageyama as thirty years old was surprising to Hinata. But, seeing that Kageyama was still the old Kageyama he knew, at least in this aspect, felt a bit like slipping into old gloves that was still very fitting to him. He still knew how to talk and interact with Kageyama. He still remembered the little gestures Kageyama did when he was eating. They ate together a lot; at school, before competition, at Coach Ukai store, at Hinata’s house, just the two of them alone at Kageyama’s house…

Hinata wondered whether Kageyama still loved pork curry.

Hinata wondered what Kageyama would be thinking if he knew that Hinata made pork curry on his own time from time to time, and now he could make a really mean, delicious pork curry. Hinata wondered whether Kageyama would like that—would like to be invited to eat Hinata’s homemade food with his daughter.

That socially awkward yet genius setter now had a daughter! Hinata totally didn’t see that one coming.)

Ayumu-chan had finished her first tiny portion of okonomiyaki and now was asking for her second. Hinata gladly served her another one and just watched the little girl in excitement, smiling the entire time. Initially, if he thought he’d ever see Kageyama’s child, maybe a little part of him would felt hurt, like being left behind. He was Kageyama’s partner in volleyball, so to think that Kageyama had did something he hadn’t before—supposedly marriage, then having child—made Hinata felt a bit down, perhaps. But, now, he was just thrilled to see what sort of child Ayumu-chan was and how this adorable little creature could sprout from something as stern-looking as Kageyama Tobio he knew.

There wasn’t much of Ayumu-chan’s part he recognised from Kageyama, so maybe she was very much like her mother. While Kageyama was tall, lean, and dark, Ayumu-chan was small, a bit light-coloured, with wavy brown hair that was so wavy it was almost curly, and a pair of chubby cheeks that was now covered in okonomiyaki sauce and katsuboshi for the dish’s topping. Hinata chuckled and helped Ayumu-chan with wiping food from her tiny cheeks. She giggled after she swallowed her food and proceeded to tell Kageyama how much he loved Hinata already.

“Well, I happen to love you very much too, Ayumu-chan.”

Ayumu-chan laughed, blushed, and asked for her third serving. Hinata laughed as well. This tiny girl had amazing appetite. Perhaps, in the future, Ayumu-chan would grow very tall like his father.

She drank her juice, while Kageyama and Hinata had beer. But, they were still completely sober when Kageyama insisted to pay and the three left the okonomiyaki restaurant hand in hand, with Ayumu-chan in the middle, started slurring about how sleepy she was.

Hinata didn’t remember smiling this much. It was, he decided, a much better night than the one he expected to spend with his co-workers.

*)*

Once Ayumu fell asleep, both men exited the bedroom, and settled silently around a _kotatsu_ by the small living room. Knowing well how much of heavy sleeper Ayumu was, Kageyama felt safe to said to Hinata, almost in a desperately defending tone, “She’s not my daughter.”

Hinata, who was initially looking down to his side of _kotatsu_ blanket, looked up at Kageyama. Hinata's eyes were wide. His irises were orange. What a warm colour. Kageyama never realised how much he had missed Hinata’s eye colour until now. The realisation almost made him sob.

He didn’t know why he needed to tell Hinata immediately, once Ayumu were out of the conversation, once it was only the two of them, that, no, he didn’t betrayed Hinata by having children with someone else. Kageyama could hear his own heartbeat, loud and almost painful. Betrayed? It wasn’t like they had something in the past. It wasn’t like they could be something now either. It wasn’t like Hinata felt the same way as Kageyama, whatever it was that Kageyama was feeling for Hinata. Kageyama didn’t know why he threw such fact to Hinata immediately when the chance arose. He looked at Hinata, scared and calm at the same time.

He was somehow nervous when he was with Hinata, but also very calm to have him near. It was a very strange contradiction- one he wouldn't exchange for anything.

Kageyama knew Hinata—and he wasn’t disappointed. Hinata smiled like he always did those years ago. Kageyama’s heart was flooded with warmth.

“I thought so!” he said, grinning and cheerful, but still quiet enough not to wake up Ayumu. “Ayumu-chan doesn’t look very much like you. Even your characters are pretty different.”

Kageyama gulped, “Different? What sort of different?” Talking to Hinata was like venturing into new, rich territory. Kageyama never knew what he’d discover; but he knew he’d love it.

“Ayumu-chan was radiating this relaxed aura the whole time, but you seemed… a bit stressed out? But, hey, you’re always a bit stressed in plenty of social situations. Especially if it’s new for you.”

“… You’re not that new to me.”

Hinata tilted his head sideways a bit, smiling in a way that Kageyama never saw as teenager, “… We’re a bit new to each other now.” He was still smiling. Kageyama was just watching Hinata, fascinated, still not quite believing that Hinata Shouyou was in front of him, and wondered how a small head tilt could seem so cool yet so endearing to him. Hinata chuckled and continued, “So, who exactly is Ayumu-chan?”

He effortlessly made Kageyama talked about Ayumu was his unmarried niece’s daughter, who decided to accept a job overseas and left Ayumu behind. Kageyama could see Hinata struggled not to comment on his niece and Kageyama appreciated it. Teenager Hinata, hot-blooded and full of justice and all, would make immediate comment on something along ‘parents shouldn’t leave their children’. But, this adult Hinata didn’t. Kageyama found this more considerate Hinata very, very pleasant. He wondered what other new wonderful trait that adult Hinata now had.

“You’re smiling, Kageyama,” Hinata said, also smiling.

Kageyama stuttered something incoherent. He didn’t even realised he was smiling. ( _Of course I’m smiling. I’m with you. You’re now here with me—and you’re better than the precious memory I have on you._

… _Oh no, I feel like crying._ )

So Kageyama did.

He sobbed before he could stop it. He sobbed so hard his shoulders shaking and he couldn’t stop it once he let one sob escaped his mouth. He never cried in his adult life—he never cried since that day on the Orange Stadium. He was sobbing, his mind muddled with emotions and thoughts, but one thing was clear; there was no better person to cry in front of beside Hinata. Crying, at least to him, was a show of vulnerability. Kageyama was never good at being vulnerable, yet such action was more than easy when he was with Hinata; his compass, his sun, his safe place… his _home_.

And Kageyama had been lost for ten years before finding his way back to Hinata.

Hinata said nothing, except little mumbles that sounded like, “There, there, Kageyama. It's okay. It's going to be fine. Everything is going to be alright”. Hinata then held him, gently, closing the distance between them, letting Kageyama’s bouncing head rested on the crook at the side of his neck. He hugged Kageyama sideway and just waited until Kageyama’s sobs reduced into small hiccups—though he was still crying somehow. This was no small tear travelling down his cheeks; Kageyama cried until his whole face hurt.

He cried because he was relieved. He cried because he was so sad for being apart from Hinata for so long. He cried because he was excited for what the future holds for them—and, at the same time, scared. He was fearful, but hopeful. Hinata always made him felt like he was both drowning and standing at the top of a mountain.

Perhaps, that was how love felt like.

Once he didn’t make any sobbing sound anymore, Hinata inhaled and exhaled slowly, before muttering, “It’s not easy to leave everything you know and start something new, something you don’t even think you’d be good at.” Kageyama swallowed. Hinata thought him moving to countryside with a child who wasn’t even his own was what made Kageyama cried. There was a little pang inside Kageyama’s chest. But, then, Hinata continued, “… And other thing too, I suppose. We should catch up, Kageyama. We definitely can and will.” That erased all the pain, big and small, that Kageyama felt before.

He smiled, relaxed, even though his cheeks were warm and damp with tears.

Hinata’s arm was around his shoulder, warm, safe, and bigger, stronger than what Kageyama remember. _When did you grow so big, Hinata?_ he asked, not out loud, chuckling albeit tears were still trickling down his cheeks. Kageyama chuckled even more when he realised that Hinata had always been so large and reassuring, despite his small build. Kageyama rubbed the side of his head to Hinata’s neck, never felt more at ease in his life, even though he hiccupped from crying so hard and his throat felt a bit sore.

When Kageyama finally let go, Hinata brought him a glass of water—after asking where Kageyama kept the glass—and watched Kageyama in silence until Kageyama was ready to be alone again. It was already past midnight by then, when Hinata wore his shoes and Kageyama saw him to the door.

( _Don’t leave. Don’t ever leave my side ever again_.)

But Kageyama put on his adult face and smiled, albeit bitterly, and see him off. Hinata didn’t leave immediately, even though the autumn night air felt chilly. He gazed at Kageyama, taller than Kageyama remember, and he just looked at him, eyes with colour of amber, and pretty much the most beautiful sight Kageyama ever knew.

Hinata just looked at him and Kageyama felt like Hinata had seen all of him—and decided to stay and love every little bit part of it.

Holding back the impulse to cry again, Kageyama smiled, no longer with bitterness. “Hinata, you better go. You have work tomorrow,” he said, softly, voice light after he let all those emotions out.

“You’re right, Kageyama,” Hinata smiled as well.

(It felt so beautiful to just smile to Hinata and had Hinata smiled back at him.)

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow for Ayumu-chan’s first day at school, then,” Hinata did that little head tilt again, still smiling.

Kageyama nodded. “Yeah.” _I love you_. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” _I was always afraid to even think about it, but I have loved you all along._ “Be careful on your way home, Hinata.” _I’m sorry it took me ten years to realise—even though maybe you’ll never knew what I truly feel._

“I will. Thanks, Kageyama.”

_But, even now, just being with you was already a blessing to me. So thank you._

_Thank you so much, Hinata._

_Thank you for finding your way into my life and letting me to be part of yours._

With a smile, a little wave, and a ruffle of night wind on his fiery-coloured hair, Hinata left.

Well, he wasn’t quite leaving, was he? Kageyama knew so as he closed the door once he no longer able to see Hinata.

Hinata wasn’t really leaving, because Kageyama had kept his kindness and warmth inside him to bring around until he saw Hinata again, which would be very, very soon.

Kageyama returned to Ayumu’s side, knowing very well that he’d sleep very tightly that night.

*)*

The next morning, Kageyama was slowly waking up to the feeling that he had the best dream he ever had in life. Albeit, the beautiful dream being something he couldn’t recall just yet. He opened his eyes slowly to a new bedroom, Ayumu in new _futon_ , with a new, excited feeling at the pit of his stomach and new sun with its light peeking from the horizon of a landscape he was new with.

As he rose to sitting position, rubbing his eye with one hand as he did, Kageyama smiled to the still mostly empty new bedroom.

He remembered why he felt so happy.

He remembered Hinata.

 _Hinata_.

Hinata was once again in his life.

Never Kageyama felt so hopeful when he saw a sunrise before, but it wasn’t a surprise when his own personal sun had shine once again in his life. It was like spring was coming back into his life, even though it was now autumn. Smiling while the sunlight of the new day spilling into his new bedroom through the window, Kageyama slowly woke Ayumu up. She needed to go to her new school today—

And Kageyama needed to meet his Hinata again.

Hey, they had agreed to catch up, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is taken from song "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová.
> 
> Shout out for those who had left their lovely comments on Chapter 1 by the time I posted this: AngeloVargas, Sweetferret, fuck_me, shouyoto, asya, and MissCiel. It was very lovely to see your comments. Sorry I haven't replied to them yet. Hopefully, I will.
> 
> Last but not least, thank you for reading this chapter.


	3. Where We're Going

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata thought about handling Kageyama; fragile despite his wonderful gift, and very, very much made Hinata felt protective.

The autumn night cool air singed Hinata’s skin lightly as he walked his way home from Kageyama’s apartment. He took a deep breath as he reached an intersection, then stopping, unmoving, as he looked up at clear, starry dark sky far above him. Wind blew. His face was a bit cold, but the side of his neck, where Kageyama was sobbed against just now, felt warm—almost hot.

_Where can we go, Kageyama?  
_

He gazed up, asking the silent, glimmering stars.

Things, Hinata thought, were probably much easier back then, when they were only seventeen. Now, they were adult, with their responsibilities like job and child. But, back then, to be fair, they were just teenager. They were very young—and supposedly inexperienced. Hinata sighed. He didn’t feel any more experienced by now. He supposed, being an adult also meant learning that the grown ups never truly felt like grown ups; suddenly, they just had more experience and time in handling thing. He thought about handling Kageyama; fragile despite his wonderful gift, and very, very much made Hinata felt protective. He remembered the same Kageyama, who, more than ten years ago, admitted about his fear of tossing to no one. Hinata remembered the moment he thought that Kageyama really, truly needed that one person to be beside him, to be his partner, to receive his toss—to assure him that everything will be fine and to make it somehow would.

Hinata remembered being wanted to be that person. And he did, back then.

But time separated them and Hinata could no longer looked sideways to see Kageyama standing beside him.

Now, he was here once again.

Hinata closed his eyes, took another deep breath, before resuming his walk back home.

Now, Kageyama was here, and Hinata felt like walking upon a very thin line or balancing fragile object upon his head. He really, _really_ wanted to make this right. He cared so much about Kageyama and therefore he worried so much about whether he could do this right. Upon seeing the apartment building where he lived, Hinata chuckled alone. This wasn’t like him to not be very positive. Kageyama was special, after all, he decided, climbing the stairs while smiling and feeling little stabs of pain on his chest. On everything else in life, Hinata could be very, very positive. Only Kageyama could make him this worry, because he was _that_ worthy.

 _I’ll make this right_ , Hinata made a decision. _If not, I’d at least die falling forward;_

_I’d die trying- with not one bit of regret._

He settled into his night routine, albeit a bit late for it was one in the morning when he did it. Hinata lied in his bed, thinking about Kageyama, who lived so very close now in the same town as him, whom he’d see tomorrow, whom Hinata would love to care and protect.

 _It’s okay,_ he thought, unsure whether he delivered such thought to himself or to Kageyama.

_It’s going to be fine._

With that, Hinata drifted off to sleep peacefully, to sleepless dream under the clear autumn night sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out for **The_Bookworm** for commenting on the previous chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	4. Passing Days

Days slowly turned into weeks as Kageyama got used to live on his new place with his new routine, with Hinata's help on the side. Just as Kageyama remembered, Hinata knew everyone and introduced him to people on the area, from the manager of local cake shop to where buy organic vegetables, for now Kageyama cooked for Ayumu. Kageyama remembered every little second of the time he spent with Hinata; grown-up, but still child-like in happiness and lightness Hinata. He remembered the way the old man at the grocery shop called Hinata 'Shou-chan' and how Ayumu always asked, afterwards, when she tagged along, when Hinata will join them again.

Hinata, on the other hand, felt his body was especially tight when he took Kageyama around. After Kageyama left- sometimes alone, sometimes with Ayumu- he realised that he was holding his breath when Kageyama was around. It wasn't very hard to admit that he found Kageyama very precious to him and Hinata simply wanted to do and give the best for him. At the same time, Hinata also knew that he was holding back from simply pouring all of his yearning and love for Kageyama, because Kageyama was currently busy settling into his new life. He was waiting, he thought. But, sometimes, on night when he couldn't sleep right away, he asked himself the same question: Was he holding back for Kageyama's sake of happiness or was he not doing anything simply because he was afraid?

Perhaps, Hinata was indeed afraid of changing this peaceful life they currently shared together.

If Kageyama rejected him, Hinata would probably never recover. The saddest thing was, the thing that made Hinata's eyes stung with tears, Hinata knew that even if Kageyama accepted him and they become partners, Hinata wasn't sure he could give Kageyama happiness- or whatever it was that Kageyama truly needed. They were both men. Kageyama was never good with crowd. It'd be a terribly bad idea to attract the crowd's eyes on him simply because Kageyama was dating a man. Hinata wiped tears from his eyes and tried to calm himself down by thinking that, at the very least, he was trying. He was thinking about it and trying to find a solution, if he could call it that.

It was just that, in night as dark as that one, Hinata felt like there was no way out of this agony he kept inside him for years.

He eventually fell asleep to thought that he was doing all of this for Kageyama's sake.

He just wanted Kageyama to be happy.

If Hinata had to suffer a bit for that, he knew he could endure it. He was glad he kept waited for Kageyama all these years. Hinata closed his eyes, sinking into sleep, as Kageyama went in and out his dream; lost, awkward, and extremely lovely at the same time.

***

December was approaching when Kageyama took Ayumu to Hinata's kindergarten. 

After Ayumu went inside to put down her bag and joined her classmates, Kageyama lingered a bit, watching Hinata smiling towards his students, very much an adult in look but the big apron he wore made him looked adorable at the same time. Kageyama took a deep breath, trying very hard to look Hinata in the eyes, as he said, "This winter break, Ayumu will stay with her grandparents."

Hinata looked back at Kageyama. His eyes were in deep shade of orange under cooling weather.

"Oh," he said, eyes a bit wide.

There was a silence followed.

"So," Hinata spoke again, scratching his nape, "Are you going to come along with Ayumu?"

Kageyama could practically feel his own heartbeat as he blinked, then shook his head slowly, "No. No, Hinata, I'm... staying here. I... uh... I think I can get used to this area a bit more... y-you know. For Ayumu." It wasn't convincing in his head and it wasn't any better when he said that out loud, but Kageyama gazed upon Hinata's smile and suddenly everything was alright.

That was Hinata's magic; his smile could make Kageyama felt like, somehow, no matter how, things will be okay.

"So," repeated Hinata, "We may spend Christmas and New Year together...?"

Kageyama nodded, this time very quickly and rather powerfully, "Yes! ... Yes, we can, if you wanted."

Hinata laughed. His laughter ringing in the air and Kageyama was in love again and again with such beautiful sound.

"Of course I want to! OK, let's talk about it more later," Hinata giggled happily.

Before he eventually left for the class, he took one last look at Kageyama, smiled, and said, "We do need time alone to... you know, catch up."

Kageyama could only nod, for he didn't believe he could say anything that didn't sound like screeching noise of happiness at the moment. He watched Hinata until he vanished to one of the class' door and just stood there, obliterated by happiness. He didn't remember the last time he was this happy.

Ah. Wait. He actually remembered.

It was Orange Stadium; Hinata beside him, they won the cup.

... This time, though, this winter, he just might won something better than the cup.

He might won Hinata Shouyou himself. 


	5. Winter Stargazing

The truth was Kageyama was scared  _all the time._

December had passed midway when he dressed Ayumu for leaving to her grandparents. The temperature had dropped to almost zero Celsius, but there was no snow. The winter night had been stark and cold- so stark and cold that Kageyama felt like he would be sucked into it, together with his hopeless thought of the future. There was part of him that was glad that Ayumu left, so he had sometime for himself. But, the other part of him, the part that he didn't realised exist before, felt empty and cold like the winter itself. If Ayumu were around, he was this grown man trying to be proper parent for a little girl. If she left, he was no one. Sometimes, the existential crisis that came along with such thought scared him so much he started shivering.

At the same time, he knew, simply from observing people in his life, that everyone pretty much went through the same thing. They expressed themselves and behaved differently, but Kageyama had long knew about the commonality of human's suffering.

He just wondered whether Hinata also worried about things.

He wondered what sort of things Hinata worried about.

He wondered whether Hinata worried about him.

"To-chan?" Ayumu voice called him back to reality, where he was with her on their doorway, ready to go to train station. Kageyama would take Ayumu to her grandparents' place before he returned to this place again on his own. They were both already on their thick clothes, ready for winter outside. Kageyama looked at her. Since their first meeting, Ayumu had called him 'To-chan' from 'Tobio-chan'. Now that they lived as family, people from the outside simply assumed that he was indeed her father and that 'To-chan' came from ' _otousan_ '; 'father'. She had always been a bit unique from the beginning. Kageyama kept looking at her. She looked back.

Then, Ayumu hugged him.

"It's okay, To-chan," she mumbled softly and rubbed the back of his head with her tiny hand.

(Prior to living with Ayumu, Kageyama thought that children were just children and that Ayumu would not be capable to understand him as thirty years old. He was proven wrong when Ayumu showed consideration, thoughtfulness, and on time like this, where she could sense his discontent and tried to calm him down. 

 _It was nice to be hugged,_ Kageyama thought, smiling in Ayumu's arms.)

"Let's go," Kageyama stood up after awhile. 

They left together, hand in hand. Half of Kageyama's mind was already travelling to Hinata.

What was Hinata doing now? Kageyama would go to Hinata after this. Perhaps not immediately, but surely. He'd ought to message him, or even called him, telling Hinata that Ayumu was safely sent to her grandparents, that now they could finally catch up as Hinata said. He missed Hinata. He missed HInata all the time. But now that he thought about it, he missed Hinata everyday- all the time, whether Hinata was near or far. Kageyama took much more joyful step, smiling towards the dark night sky. 

Every time he spent, he felt like he was getting closer to Hinata.

Perhaps, one day, he could be at his closest distance to Hinata. He smiled again, unaware of Ayumu squeezing his hand and watching him.

"Send my regards to Shoyou-san, To-chan," she giggled, almost scandalously. Ignoring the part where Ayumu had somehow learned the usage of 'send my regards', Kageyama blushed very visibly and squinting his eyes at the little girl.

"How do you know that I'm going to see Hinata?"

Ayumu's laughter grew louder. Then, seemingly satisfied, she stopped and smiled, "Because you always make that face when you're about to meet Shoyou-san."

Kagheyama smiled back, knowing he was defeated, and replied, "... I'll definitely send HInata your regards."

Ayumu's smile widened, satisfied, and the pair continued their walk in silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.
> 
> Shoutout to The_Bookworm & blueprin for commenting on the past 2 chapters. I would also like to offer my appreciation to everyone who had left their kudos and bookmarks on this story. Thank you, truly.


	6. Summer in December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The temperature had dropped to freezing point at that degree. But Kageyama never felt warmer.
> 
> It was as if summer had came in December, for his sun-like person was now within his reach.

Ayumu's grandparents had nothing to do with Kageyama, for they were the parents of his cousin's partner, Ayumu's father. Nevertheless, they had gazed at Kageyama with twinkle in their eyes. He could guess what their kindness and warm welcome mean;  _thank you for adopting Ayumu-chan. Thank you, Mr Famous Volleyball Player_. They didn't really watch volleyball, like most normal Japanese and didn't really understand wha the was famous for exactly, but Kageyama didn't really care. He left that world already. He left it for Ayumu, he supposed, but in his way out, he found Hinata. Upon realising this, he felt like he made the right decision by moving on from the biggest thing on his life, the one thing that filled his time as child until lately.

Ayumu hugged him once again before they parted.

She also kissed him, in the cheek, and throwing the same twinkling eyes look her grandparents gave Kageyama. Kageyama looked at this little person. Sometimes, he could feel how grown up Ayumu was, to the point that he was even waiting for Ayumu, at that moment, to made 'Save the kiss on the lips for Shouyou-san, To-chan' remark. 

Of course, a kindergarten student didn't make such remark. Kageyama hugged her back, but too shy to kiss her cheek back, and waved goodbye at the happy family.

Then, he made his way back to Hinata.

***

The last train back to the countryside, the one Kageyama currently took, was almost empty. December air was so cold and everyone was bundled up in their warm clothes, clutching against warmth their own body radiated. Kageyama redid his scarf before he boarded the train towards his new town. The only other passenger being a pair of giggling young girls, who paid him no mind, and Kageyama caught the glimpse of them holding hands on their seat.

Hinata and him had agreed to have hot pot for rather late dinner. Kageyama had informed Hinata that he would board the last train, but he hadn't checked his mobile phone since. He pulled the dark-coloured device out of his pocket. The timestamp of 10:11 PM stared back at him from an orange background of autumn scenery. Kageyama watched the digital leaves floating on his phone, thinking about a certain orange head who was currently waiting for him.

(Everything Kageyama owned was either black, dark blue, or various shade of grey tones. It had always been that way since he was young. But, since a certain time prior to his mid-twenties, he started to have small things in the bright colour of orange. His home and lock screen being some of them. His junior back on volleyball world and various people around him had pointed out this new habit, that perhaps Kageyama was changing his style or something, for it was so unlike him to have something very bright-coloured.

Kageyama didn't really explain anything to them. All he said was, 'Well...' and some noncommittal shrug.)

He was still looking at his lock screen.

Perhaps, he had started to collect this orange thing to replace a certain orange head who one day went missing from his life. 

(It was so sudden, Kageyama remembered. He never really thought about not having Hinata in his life since their meeting at their first day on high school. But life was twisted, Kageyama thought, remembering the long months, years he spent to live a life without Hinata. It was like he lost a leg and was now forced to use crutch. The worse thing was that no one could see what he missed. Not really. Some of them knew about Hinata. Some of them offered their sorry.

But, for them, the fact that Hinata left was just another news.

For Kageyama, it was life-changing in a brutal way. He didn't want to lose anything ever again. The hole Hinata left was still gaping, at least until Ayumu came and then Hinata himself came back. _Heh_. It sounded pretty funny. Came back. Hinata didn't  _came back_. Kageyama stumbled upon him when he was checking Ayumu's new school. He was there, with tiny toys on his arms, older than Kageyama remembered, but also the most perfect thing Kageyama ever laid his eyes upon.)

He put his warming face against the cold train window, realising that he was blushing feverishly just by the thought of meeting Hinata again.

His phone made a  _ding_ sound.

Hinat had sent him a LINE message, littered with cute cartoon emojis and even one big sticker. Kageyama didn't know any other adult men who littered their message with LINE sticker and emojis. 

> _Is everything OK with leaving Ayumu with her grandparents?_
> 
> _The soup for hot pot is so tasty! Do hurry up, Kageyama._
> 
> _(Yes, I know you ride train. Still, h u r r y u p .)_

Kageyama laughed out loud, loose and free, as he watched the station, his stop, came into view outside the window. Snow started to fall and Kageyama hustled. He didn't reply the LINE message, but he was half-running outside the train station, for he couldn't wait any second longer before meeting Hinata.

The temperature had dropped to freezing point at that degree. But Kageyama never felt warmer.

It was as if summer had came in December, for his sun-like person was now within his reach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading.
> 
> Here's another shout out to **blueprin** and **tsunderei** for leaving comments on the previous chapter.


	7. Somewhere, A Part of Me, Apart from Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's title is taken from Bon Iver's "Holocene".

Hinata lived in a big, traditional Japanese style house with  _tatami_ mat, sliding doors, and even a cherry blossom tree and some bonsai tree on its small garden. The story of how he got to live in such house would have to wait, for now Hinata was watching snow falling outside his window as he did another waiting. A very important waiting for a very important person. He rose, thinking about Kageyama. who was about to come, wondering whether the cold weather and snow would slow him down or even gave him cold.

In reality, Hinata quite believed that there wasn't much to worry about.

A strong athlete since the first time they met, Kageyama was always as healthy as a horse as long as Hinata remembered. They shared tips about getting stronger and healthier since they became close all those years ago and continued to did so until Hinata had to go away. Hinata closed his eyes. The psychological scar he got from being separated from Kageyama was no longer painful- or so he thought until he remembered that if only he was brave enough ten years ago, he didn't have to walk away.

But he did.

And he regretted it.

And now he had a chance to do something about it.

Hinata squeezed his already closing eyes. He opened them to a very familiar view of his living room. It was so quiet. The snow seemed to slow everything down. He couldn't hear any occasional sound of car passing or even, sometimes, distant train noise. There was even no sound of wind rustling the trees, something he usually heard at night. He had messaged Kageyama. Kageyama read them, but did not reply. Such behaviour didn't surprise Hinata at all. Kageyama always thought that doing things with his smartphone mostly just bothered him. He still did, Hinata supposed, but that didn't stop Hinata from wondering whether Kageyama was okay.

The activity calmed him down in the strangest way, for for the past decade, Hinata had let his mind wandered to "is Kageyama okay?" path whenever he was idling. After all those years, he now knew that Kageyama was indeed okay. It made him feel like somehow he knew that Kageyama was okay and would be okay, simply because he felt it in his gut. It was such an unusual connection. Hinata never felt so connected to someone else in such way.

He left his  _kotatsu_ , then went to the kitchen to grab little portable stove and the cookware with broth he talked to Kageyama about. They were going to have hot pot and Hinata was already daydreaming- or nightdreaming, since daytime had passed for a long time by now- about Kageyama's reddened face as he enjoyed the hot pot. Kageyama liked to eat. Hinata was ready to cook for him more and more.

When Hinata had finished in setting everything up, he reached for his phone to check for Kageyama once again.

But, then, he heard the bell rang from the front door.

Kageyama was here.

He was half-running through the corridor to open the door where Kageyama was currently waiting for him.

The night was cold, but Hinata was so warm as he slide the door open, to Kageyama's pale face red from cold, bundled in his dark-coloured scarf. Hinata couldn't see Kageyama's mouth, but he knew Kageyama was smiling. He could see it from Kageyama's eyes. Kageyama stared at him, smiling, and Hinata stared back, grinning from ear to ear so much to the point he felt his cheeks hurt. Kageyama gestured to a bag full of hot pot ingredients he brought and they both exchanged more soppy smiles until Hinata snapped out of it and yelled, "Let's get in! It must be  _freezing_ out there."

Kageyama somehow laughed, presumably from Hinata's dramatic way of saying 'freezing'. Hinata laughed too, simply because Kageyama was laughing, and it was beautiful, and Hinata was happy.

And he knew Kageyama was so very happy as well.

At the age of 31, Hinata suddenly felt like teenager again; everything was new, fresh, warm, and exciting, even though they weren't young anymore. He wasn't as silly when he was 16, he supposed, as he walked with also 30 years old Kageyama, towards the living room, side by side, Kageyama cold and snowy and Hinata warm and pretty toasty from the  _kotatsu,_ exchanging smiles again without really saying anything.

And that was simply happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel uneasy for I cannot write this story in the speed that I desire, but I must do life in order to live, hahah. 
> 
> Shoutout to the wonderful MissCiel, blueprin, and The_Bookworm for leaving comments on the previous chapter. You guys are so lovely.


	8. Together

Kageyama could appreciate the saying ‘time is simply a human concept’ more than when it came to Hinata.

He knew they had been separated for years, yet Kageyama could still jump to moments with Hinata in his life; when Hinata cried on that sunset-bathed stairs on the day they first met; when they saw each other again on Karasuno High as first years; and, then, when Hinata’s tears streamed down his cheeks as they won on Orange Stadium. Those memories didn't seem to have any timely distance between them, for Kageyama remembered them as clear as he remembered his second meeting with Hinata. It was their meeting after a decade. It was the meeting of the decade, he thought right afterwards, pondering on how correct the term was. Kageyama had so many memories of HInata, hadn't he, when he thought about it?

Having this images flashing so quickly on his head, however, made Kageyama startled in a strong melancholy upon seeing thirty years old Hinata’s face; the very Hinata who opened his house's door for him. 

Time had passed, he realised, with the sort of shock that made him want to tear up.

Kageyama was no longer that youthful teenager anymore.

Nor did Hinata.

But, hey, he was still here. So did Hinata. And they were going to spend times together. Letting the warmth of such realisation washed over him, Kageyama smiled to Hinata, “Hey. I bring stuffs for the hot pot.”

Hinata smiled back, “You better do, Kageyama.” 

The echo of their old banters was still there.

It was faint, but it wasn’t like the years they spent apart had made them completely different people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps, this chapter is just a sorry excuse for an actual chapter. I had planned to write and publish this 8th chapter as a story on the whole night Hinata and Kageyama spent together. But, alas, it didn't go as planned. I wrote this because MissCiel left a comment that reminded me about its continuation. By this chapter, I'd like to tell you that I don't really know where to go from here. I planned a lot of trial and tribulations until Hinata and Kageyama finally arrive to wherever they suppose to arrive, but, at least this point, such plan doesn't seem very probable. 
> 
> I feel uncouth to do this in my story, but what do you readers want me to do? Should I deliver as much as points as possible and wrap it up in between 10-15 chapters? I'd love to finish "When the Lights Go Out". It's just that, at this moment, I'm rather lost.
> 
> Last but not least, thank you for reading. My deepest gratitude to the those who left comment on previous chapter: **The_Bookworm** , **blueprin** , and **MissCiel**.


	9. The Silence in the Snow

As the hot pot bubbled on the table between them, Kageyama stared at Hinata. The latter was pouring drinking water for both of them into glasses.

Hinata's sight caught Kageyama's. Smiling, Hinata chuckled, "We're now old enough for some alcohol, Kageyama. Do you want some?"

Kageyama could feel faint heat on his cheeks. The heat had nothing to do with the hot pot in front of him, nor the incredibly warm _kotatsu_ the two of them in. It should be illegal for thirty years old Hinata to smirk like that; teasing, devilish, but still, well,  _Hinata_. The Hinata who had lived in Kageyama's head had been this innocent, full of spirit, and generally rather clueless boy. Now he was already this grown man, a mature, smooth uncle type and Kageyama's feelings hadn't quite catch that up.

"No, thank you," Kageyama managed to mutter shyly.

They ate in relative silence and Kageyama was sure the heat on his cheeks never left. He chew his boiled lettuce, contemplating the silence and the fact that both of their mouths were full of food. The city at night was quiet, but the snowfall outside made Kageyama felt like there was no one else on earth but them. It was the quality of stillness achieved when Kageyama woke up at two or three in the morning sometime, feeling like he had lost something and not quite figured out what he had missing.

At that very moment, though, he felt full, warm, and strangely complete.

His whole body, however, Kageyama noticed, was rather tense.

There was so much to talk about with Hinata. So much to catch up with. In the end, none of them saying anything. Perhaps, the silence itself had spoke so many things at once. Kageyama's mind gently floated to Ayumu. He hoped she was doing fine. Then he thought about that one time, not too long ago, when he suddenly cried in front of Hinata and Hinata didn't mind nor saying anything. Embarrassment engulfed him. Kageyama quickly reached for his glass of water, so he had something to do instead of having to sit still with how shy he was with the memory. 

They washed their hot pot utensils together. The whole time, Kageyama felt still as tense as he stood next to Hinata, his body radiating warmth, and Kageyama was once again attacked by desire to just cry.

Exactly why he wanted to cry... well, Kageyama felt like he hadn't figure that one out just yet.

 

***

 

Hinata pulled out an extra _futon_ in his almost bare, Japanese styled bedroom. There was nothing on the wall and there was only one low table near the curtained window. Judging by how skilful Hinata was with preparing the _futon_ for both of them, Kageyama knew Hinata had used the sleeping mat for quite a while. They did their turn with teeth brushing and face washing and then, almost suddenly, both of them were laying on their respective beds, in almost darkness, and the world was once again very quiet.

There was an indistinct sound of train in the distance.

Kageyama moved inside his  _futon_. He felt how tense his shoulders and arms were and knew that it'd probably be impossible for him to sleep.  _But it was just one night,_ Kageyama reminded himself. Tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, there'd be Ayumu and his job. Hinata would still be there, too, and he was once again realising that his feelings on meeting Hinata again were too plenty, too overwhelming that Kageyama had no idea whether he'd ever process them properly. He inhaled slowly, then exhaled just as slow. After too many nights of being unable to doze off peacefully, he learned this breathing technique and felt that the tension on his shoulders loosened a bit.

He heard Hinata moving on his sleep as well.

(Or maybe he hadn't fall asleep. He just moved. Perhaps uncomfortably, like Kageyama.)

Couldn't contain his curiosity, Kageyama slowly wiggled himself to the position in which he could see Hinata's sleeping figure. He was greeted with the view of Hinata also facing him. His face was almost entirely dark, but Hinata giggled and Kageyama knew that Hinata was awake as well. Kageyama started to laugh as well and both of them laughing together under their separate blankets.

"I'm so tense. This is so silly," heaved Kageyama.

Hinata did another round of laughter, before taking a deep breath and murmured, "Now that Ayumu will not be with us for a while, I don't know what I actually want to talk or do with you, Kageyama."

Kageyama's first thought was he wanted to be touched by Hinata.

But then what?

Afraid of his own train of thought, Kageyama shuffled on his bed once again, "I don't know either. We can sleep first. It's late. There's tomorrow."

Hinata was silent for a while. "Will there be? Will you be here tomorrow?"

Kageyama raised his eyebrows, "Of course. I'm staying over, remember?"

"Oh," Hinata said, "Okay."

There was another pregnant silence.

"Well," Hinata spoke. Kageyama could hear smile on his words, "Good night, then Kageyama."

"... Good night, Hinata."

They both turn their backs to one another and Kageyama closed his eyes. As he drifted off to sleep, he saw the teenager Hinata morphed into this kindergarten worker, then to Hinata who did lopsided smile as he asked Kageyama about them drinking alcohol.  _You were gone for so long. But now you're here. Now you're here._

_You're here._

Kageyama didn't have to do his breathing exercise after that.


	10. Where We're Going Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title taken from [Hans Zimmer's beautifully touching and somehow personal composition](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cBGV_RsF08), again.

Morning crept slowly into the bedroom Kageyama and Hinata shared.

Considering Hinata worked on a kindergarten and Kageyama had Ayumu who went to kindergarten, they used to wake up rather early. They exchanged goofy grins as they tidied up their  _futon_. The silly smiles they shared was nowhere close those they used to have together back in high school, but it was still a progress. Kageyama felt all warm, fluffy, and safe, despite the hanging heaviness from lack of sleep last night. He wondered whether Hinata felt the same.

They went to the kitchen after washing faces and prepared light Japanese breakfast of rice, tofu, and miso soup.

Hinata had many tips on cooking great miso soup and he taught Kageyama his skills, for it'd be good for Ayumu to eat healthy homemade food. And then, suddenly, standing there in Hinata's traditional Japanese kitchen, Kageyama could see it; him living the rest of his life with Hinata by his side. They'd have morning routines like this; chatting airily and effortlessly as they made breakfast. He could watch Hinata's face forever, he thought, and perhaps that what love was.

"... Kageyama?"

"Yes?" he was pulled back to reality, to Hinata with faded coloured apron and a ladle on his hand.

"Do you want to give it a try?" Hinata lifted the little saucer thing to taste the miso soup.

Kageyama nodded, stood closer, and inhaled the warm, savoury soup.

It was tasty and somehow nostalgic, like time, like a forgotten ray of sunlight that once touched Kageyama's skin and his life and then he was changed forever.

 

***

 

After breakfast, Kageyama helped Hinata with dishwashing. Then, since it was holiday times, Hinata turned on the television, prepared tea, and read newspaper on the same  _kotatsu_ in the living room they used last night for hot pot. Kageyama just followed HInata for most of the time. He checked his phone to see that Ayumu had a great morning in her grandparents' place and returned his attention to Hinata.

About twenty peaceful minutes had passed when Hinata suddenly lowered his newspaper and spoke to Kageyama.

"Aren't you going to yell at me?" Hinata asked, rather out of the blue.

Kageyama's eyes widened. "... What?" he said, after a while. The  _kotatsu_ he was in was warm, but there was a drop, cold sensation on the lower part of his stomach.

Hinata stared at his eyes; the old, thirties Hinata with his faint wrinkles and maturer demeanour, "Frankly, I'm waiting for you to be mad at me for leaving back then... when we were on the top of the world."

Kageyama's mouth gaped slightly. The interior of it felt dry. "I..."

Hinata chuckled, but in a sad, resigned way, "I understand that our partnership in the court was really special. Well, not just in court..." his voice trailed away for a bit, "... And I know we'd fight a lot of thing to stay synchronised, to be better, to be our best version possible."

Kageyama just gazed at Hinata. His heart thumping wildly underneath his ribcages.

"But then I left. Quite suddenly, I must add," he did that pitiful short laughter again, "And I spent a decade wondering whether you were mad at me and whether you'd ever forgive me."

Kageyama clenched his fists.

He stared at HInata, staring at him so hard as if Kageyama tried to pin Hinata in his place.

( _I lost you once. I'm not losing you again. I want to hear everything. I don't want you to leave me lost ever again.)_

"Tell me what happened, Hinata," Kageyama said, his voice almost a whisper. He felt like he was pleading. Perhaps, he was indeed pleading. "Tell me your side of story. Tell me what happened ten years ago and everything that I don't know until now."

He could feel his hands trembling rather uncontrollably. Kageyama was terrified somehow, but he must know. He needed to learn about what happened, to understand it from Hinata's part.

Otherwise, the sudden disappearance of the most important person in his life would always weighed him down like an anchor and his ship of life would never be able to go very far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for everyone who took their time to left comments on this story: **The_Bookworm** and **MissCiel** on the last chapter, the ninth, and **rhytmxecho** for several comments at once on the previous chapter. I really appreciate them.
> 
> And to you who are still here because you are yearning for Hinata as much as Kageyama did... thank you.
> 
> I really want to finish this story and give our lovely boys their peace. Wish me luck, everyone.


End file.
